Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
They are going to name an STD after you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
