i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
