she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
