I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
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