If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
