If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
