508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
