It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
