I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
