she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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