dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
