and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize