i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
