Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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