Nicole vs. Life
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize