You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
