i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
