I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
