mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
