ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
