We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize