you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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