it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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