I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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