Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
