I don't think brook has ever known best
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
