Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
