yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
