yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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