We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
