Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I need to stop coming to work sober
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
