Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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