can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
