You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
