Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
