what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
