I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
