Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
