Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
