So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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