Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
