I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
