Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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