don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
