just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We have started to decorate penises.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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