Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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