Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
