the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
