I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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