She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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