dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
