I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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