I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This is the high leading the old right now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
