**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
