mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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