Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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