I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
