I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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