The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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