I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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