I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
