I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
