i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
