I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Say something about gay babies.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
