dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They are going to name an STD after you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize