Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
