i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
