he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
