I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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