I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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