A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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