Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
