I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize