Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
