the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
