They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
