I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
