quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
