we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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