Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
