Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
