Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize