is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
