i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
