i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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