I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
