Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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