I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
