Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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