that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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