I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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