Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
