My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
